


Bittersweet

by yazs_mum



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Ghosts, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sad, The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019) Backstory, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Yearning, help so sad, im crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:42:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28253349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yazs_mum/pseuds/yazs_mum
Summary: What should be a reunion fic, but the Captain's death got in the way :( rip
Relationships: The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Bittersweet

It seemed like only yesterday the Captain had been sat, uniform as perfect as ever, in the window overlooking the front of Button House, solemnly waving goodbye to Lieutenant Havers. He could feel his heart beating in his throat as the sun set on the path out of the manor grounds and their future together.

His death was not something he had ever enjoyed discussing, he felt shame every time he looked at himself in the mirror, he asked himself why every day, why him? Had he done something wrong? Had he not been good enough? Had he not done enough for his country? Or perhaps, maybe it was punishment, the feelings he felt, the love and warmth in his heart, was this punishment from God? If God even did exist, the Captain often wondered that. If the Lord had created such a perfect world, why had there been so much war and hatred, not just throughout the world, but inside his own head. He accepted that he would never know the answer.

Every day he continued like clockwork, as if he could trick himself into believing he had never really passed on. He tried to block out the others, the self-proclaimed friends of his. He almost laughed every time they tried to reach out to him, how could they possibly understand his situation. No, he preferred the company of the other officers and captains, not that they could see or hear him, or acknowledge his orders or reply to his words, none the less he would take that over the ragtag bunch of misfits thrashing about what had once been a grand place of great repute.

Every day he continued like clockwork, that was until Havers. It had only been a whisper first, between a few men out the front of the house, “I heard that Lieutenant Havers and the other survivors will be returning today” two men were sat in the shade together, on break from their duties. A familiar feeling besieged his body as he heard that name for the first time in months, he felt his heart in his throat once again as he stopped dead in his tracks, frozen like a deer in the headlights. Havers, he had whispered to himself, Havers, his Havers.

He had flown into the house at utmost speed, earning a grunt of acknowledgement from Robin as he rushed down the halls and up the stairs, trying to find someone who had any information of use. After a few minutes of what he called “a reconnaissance mission” he had gathered that not only was Havers returning today, but he was returning at midday, no less than half an hour.

The Captain almost jumped for joy, but he managed to supress the notion into a calm rock onto his heels and the balls of his feet, before marching to the window in which he had waved him goodbye. His hands had started to tremble with excitement and his heart was racing as he imagined reuniting with him, their future together didn’t seem so impossible anymore…

Except, it did.

Clattering to the floor, his cane woke him from his trance as he realised his predicament. No matter how loudly he screamed or how vigorously he waved out the window, Havers would never know he was there. Their future became once again, impossible.

He looked over at the grandfather clock, standing solitary but strong at the other end of the room, ticking slowly but consistently from side to side, not long now, he watched the hand slowly drag round the clock face, 20 minutes, 15 minutes, 10 minutes, only 5 minutes to go now. The feeling was the definition of bittersweet, he was so excited to see his friend he could have cried out in joy, however the tear that rolled down his face was not one of joy. In one fluid motion he shamefully wiped his tear away glad that nobody else could see him and turned to face back out the window patiently awaiting Havers’ arrival.

***

Havers smiled to himself as the familiar feeling of the rocks under feet hit him, he was finally back at Button House, after months of gruelling work, he had made it, one of the lucky few. And how lucky he was to be reuniting with the Captain, the man he had idolised and loved for so long, of course, keeping that quietly to himself.

He greeted the men and women around him as he neared the house, shaking hands and waving to people, calling out greetings and jokes, everything was bright. Of course, when he reached the first person he asked for was the Captain.

“Oh, you didn’t receive the news.” Another soldier had stated solemnly.

“No?” He replied, anxious to be reunited, waiting expectantly.

“He uh, he passed on.” The soldiers voice was barely a whisper, at first havers thought he misheard the man and almost laughed to himself, before seeing the sad look in his eyes and realising how grave the situation was. In that moment, it felt like his entire world had crumbled, his life and his future slipped through his hands like sand he was desperately clinging onto, but to no avail. His hand clasped his mouth as he thought he was going to throw up, there was no word to describe how he felt in that moment.

Another emotion hit him then, anxiety, the other men were watching him as he spoke to the soldier. “Oh god.” He asked himself, “Have I shown too much, do they know?” The panic that filled his eyes was promptly replaced by the most emotionless face he could muster, before saluting the soldier he had been talking to and marching inside.

What Havers didn’t know was the Captain had been intently watching the entire exchange from above, he had been shouting, trying to tell the man in some way or another that he was okay, he was at peace, Havers had no reason to be sad or scared or worried, he hated the idea that the man could be feeling that way and he would have to watch, helpless to do anything, like he was watching through one-way glass and they would forever be separated by it. All he wanted to do was to hug Havers and tell him it would all be okay, but instead he stood, out of the picture forever. He wanted to scream, but what difference would it make?

The Captain’s heart was being broken piece by piece as he watched Havers get on with his day, did he not care? Did he not notice? Did he forget? Obviously, he didn’t want him to be upset, but he couldn’t feel heartbroken that he hadn’t even been acknowledged. He was oblivious to the fact that Havers’ heart had been shattering in tandem, he would never be able to tell the Captain how he felt, so much had gone unsaid, been left undone, every possible future he had every pictured had been thrown away as if it were nothing.

“I love you” He whispered into the collar of his coat as he hugged himself, trying with every molecule of his body to bury the feelings and move on.

He was so happy to be home but was it really home without the Captain? The feeling was bittersweet.


End file.
